It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
