omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize