i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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