All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
