She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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