More tranny stories later!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
