used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
