I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
