Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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