Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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