Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Two words: blizzard sex
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
