i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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