end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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