Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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