I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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