Whod you bang
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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