the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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