My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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