That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
