So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
