On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
