Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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