I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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