I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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