Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize