um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
