my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
