I wish my penis had an off switch
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
