My liver just broke up with me...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
