I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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