i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
