OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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