The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
