This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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