yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
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It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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