I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
