it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
