Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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