i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
