Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize