Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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