I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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