While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
