I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
