I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
