Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
