Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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