cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
