He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
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You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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