I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
