Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
