there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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