I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
