I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize