and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
