Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
