mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I deserve this hangover.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
