Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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