I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
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For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina