I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.