people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.