im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.