There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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