Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
