I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
