if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
